NoHo Noir: 'Send Lawyers, Guns, and Money'

The first inkling anyone had that Anna Lee was in trouble was when the guy from the State Department showed up at the door of Jessica’s guest house.

He told her that Anna had been arrested in Hong Kong. He told her it didn’t look good. Her association with Sebastian Ming (aka “Ming the Merciless”) had been documented for the last six months, and even though everyone wanted to believe her protests that she was a dupe and an innocent, the evidence against her was overwhelming. The list of charges was overwhelming.

“We traced Ming as far as Phuket,” the State Department guy told Jessica, “and then his trail went cold. We’re working with Thai authorities to track him down but in the meantime, the evidence points to your friend.”

“What evidence?” Jessica had asked and she’d been horrified by the answer.  Anna’s name was on leases; she was implicated in money-laundering schemes, price-fixing, fraud, and graft. Ming had even framed her for bribing several judges.

Jessica had called Madame Wang, who’d immediately hired a local solicitor for Anna, but the news from HK wasn’t good.

A week after Anna had been arrested, Madame Wang called Jessica and invited her to a Chinese restaurant in North Hollywood for lunch.

Jessica had been around Madame Wang long enough to know that an invitation amounted to a summons, so she pulled herself together and drove to the restaurant, curious in spite of herself.

The restaurant was so empty that at first Jessica thought it was closed.

She spotted Madame Wang at a table near the back, sipping green tea and attended by three waiters who were hovering around her like moths crowding a bug zapper.

One of the waiters whispered something to the old lady and she raised a frail, Chanel-clad arm and regally waved Jessica over.

“Good afternoon Madame Wang,” Jessica said, wondering if she should kiss her ring or something.

Madame Wang scared her.

Madame Wang ordered for both of them and Jessica just decided not to mention she was a vegetarian.

Madame Wang had ordered wine with the meal and though Jessica didn’t know much about wine, she knew enough to know that it was very good wine.

Finally, after almond cookies and more green tea, Madame Wang pulled a large manila file folder from her handbag and put it on the table.

“I have obtained Anna’s file from the Hong Kong police,” she said in preamble and Jessica wondered just how that had been accomplished.

“I have read it three times and come to the conclusion that unless extraordinary measures are taken, Anna is facing life in prison.”

Jessica gasped in spite of herself. She hadn’t realized the situation was so dire.

“It can’t be that bad,” she blurted out, only to be silenced by Madame Wang’s hand.

“I have decided that the situation calls for intervention,” she said.

Oh my God. Is she talking about bribes?

Jessica knew that Madame Wang was rich but that rich?

“I have decided that you are the best person to help me accomplish my goals.”

Bribing cops? Getting involved with the triads? I am so not your girl.

“Madame Wang, I …”

“Please do me the courtesy of allowing me to finish,” Madame Wang said. Jessica closed her mouth.

“You will fly to Hong Kong next week,” Madame Wang said. “You will be met by associates of mine. They will give you further instructions and with your assistance, they will free my granddaughter.”

“Are you talking about a prison break?” Jessica asked.

Are you out of your freaking mind?

“I will pay you two million dollars for your assistance,” Madame Wang said.

Jessica nearly choked on her green tea.

“Um, Madame Wang…”

“I understand you speak French,” Madame Wang said, sliding a Bordeaux red French passport toward Jessica.

“Not well enough to pass for a native,” Jessica said, opening the booklet where her own face was glued above the name “Elodie Trannoy.”

“I’ve never seen this picture before,” she said to Madame Wang.

“You won’t be speaking that much French,” Madame Wang said, completely ignoring the provenance of the photo.

She gazed at Jessica critically. “And get your hair cut. No self-respecting Frenchwoman would look so unkempt in public.”

Ignoring the insult Jessica said, “Hong Kong has an extradition treaty with the United States.”

“Yes, I am aware of that,” Madame Wang said, taking a tiny sip of green tea. She permitted herself a small smile. “Anna told me you were a good friend.”

“The authorities will just send her back.”

Madame Wang raised her eyebrows a fraction of an inch at the mention of “authorities.” “Your lack of imagination surprises me Jessica.” She took another sip, then put the tea cup down.

“We will fake Anna’s death and give her a new identity. She will spend the next few years somewhere safe. After that, if she wishes to return to Los Angeles, I will arrange it.”

“Fake her death?” Jessica echoed faintly, feeling like she’d suddenly stepped into a movie.

“We can do that for you as well, if you like,” Madame Wang said. “Would you like to live in Paris? I understand you’ve been thinking about returning to university?”

You are the devil, Jessica thought. The devil is an old Chinese lady in a Chanel suit.

“As a bonus, when this task is performed successfully, I will provide you with a stipend for the next five years,” Madame Wang said. “Say, 14,000 Euros a month.”

Jessica did the math. “That’s more than $20,000 a month.”

“Do you require more?” the old lady asked.

“No. No, I was just …”

I was just thinking about it, Jessica thought. I know Paris is an expensive city but 14,000 Euros a month? Damn.

“The money is of no consequences,” Madame Wang said. “Anna is my sole heir.”

The old lady peered at Jessica intensely, her brown eyes hidden behind a filmy veil of cataracts.

“It’s my understanding that you have no ties to Los Angeles,” she said.

“You are very well informed,” Jessica said dryly, wondering just where the woman was getting her information.

She’d never told Anna how much she wanted to live in Paris; the only way someone could know that is if someone had hacked into her computer and seen all the Francophile bookmarks there.

She fingered the passport. It was slightly worn, as if she’d had it for awhile.

She looked up at the old woman who was waiting calmly for her decision.

“It’s a deal,” she said.

“Excellent,” Madame Wang said. “Please do not share your plans with anyone. It would create … complications.”