I love California. I wouldn’t want to live in any other state. I’m an avocado eating, jeans wearing, liberal California girl. And yes, I do own a pair of Birkenstocks.
My husband is from Dallas, Texas. He’s threatened to move us back there a few times and while the idea of having a gorgeous house with a huge yard and a country club membership for the same that we pay for a townhouse in LA is tempting, I can’t see myself anywhere else in the world.
Especially not in the Republican center of the USA.
Although my love is true, I’m disappointed in California. We’re one of the most liberal states in the union, but we still haven’t legalized gay marriage. Gay marriage is now legal in Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, New Hampshire, Vermont, New York, and the District of Columbia. What the hell? Iowa and New Hampshire are far more conservative states than California.
Or so I thought. It seems that something is rotten in the state of California and it smells a lot like oranges.
In 2005, a nationwide study ranked every US city with a population over 100,000 by their political leanings. Out of the top 25 most conservative cities in America, three cities in Orange County made the list: Orange, Garden Grove, and Huntington Beach. Orange County was the only county in the US with more than one city ranking in the top 25.
In 2008, the year Proposition 8 was overturned, the OC was the only county with more registered Republican voters than Democrat. They also had the highest percentage of registered voters per capita – over 86% of the population registered to vote – equaling over 1.6 million voters from this teeny tiny area.
In fact, the OC has the third largest population in California and the sixth in the country.
When Proposition 8 was passed, conservatives weren’t the only people being blamed. Oh no, many reports were blaming our liberal Latino and African American friends. Racists.
Get your calculator out; we’re going to do some math.
Subtracting 13% for California Asians, approximately 63% of Californians who voted “yes” were white.
But where are all of the whites in California? Funny you should ask.
Of the ten Counties in California with populations over 1 million, the second whitest county is Orange County (61%), just behind San Diego County (64%), but the SD population is very balanced as far as conservative and liberal voters.
Orange County is not.
It seems every time I turn around, there’s that stinking Orange County again.
To summarize, Orange County is:
1. White. (Check)
2. Republican. (Check)
3. A big fat problem. (Double Check)
But don’t fret! I have the perfect plan to get California back on its Birkenstock clad feet. The solution is so simple I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner.
Orange County must secede from California.
The OC is like the old bit on Sesame Street – “One of these things is not like the other.” It sticks out like a sore, red thumb in our beautiful blue and green state.
They don’t belong and they’re seriously screwing up our liberal Chi. I don’t see why they'd want to remain part of California anyway – we pay very high taxes. Last time I checked, Republicans really hate paying taxes. Especially the rich ones.
Yes, we’d have to give up Disneyland, Gwen Stefani, and Steve Martin, but we’d also be free of Richard Nixon, Christopher Cox, and John G. Schmitz. If those last two names don’t ring a bell, Mr. Cox was Chairman of the Securities and Exchange Commission during the worst U.S. financial crisis since the Great Depression and Mr. Schmitz was one of the most conservative Republicans ever to be a member of congress and also – fun fact - the father of Mary Kay Letourneau.
I think it's a fair trade.
I even have the perfect name for the new state: Little Texas. So when my cute husband gets homesick, he can just drive about fifty miles South of our abode.
I don’t see why it can’t be an amicable break-up. They can keep civil liberties from gays, cut taxes, and get rid of those nasty little medical marijuana shops. They can send only the most conservative representatives to D.C. to fight the evil government. Heck, who knows, maybe even Michele Bachmann will consider moving out West!
The real California can then return to the peace and love we enjoy. All my gay friends can enjoy the same rights that my husband and I do and we will all live happily ever after.
Now, can someone please pass the guacamole?