Oh My Gosh I'm Human and a Lesson From Mom and Dad

It’s true; I’m human with all that comes with it.  You are too.  We humans are a combination of good, bad, choices, intent and the sometimes, regrettable impulse.

Did your mom and dad teach you the mantra “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”?  Mine did and it still stands tall.  Occasionally there are those times for Mom and Dad’s other tried and true lesson to be adhered to – “if something is wrong talk to someone privately and quietly to work out your differences”.  Where has this gone?  One of the answers is the ENTER button on the computer. 

Oh how wonderful and satisfying, with one press of a button out goes your discontent for all to see.  Yes, the ENTER button of no return.   When this is pressed, in a split second your anger, rage, rants, emotions and overrated feelings are sent out into cyberspace.  There are repercussions.  Most importantly, you may have hurt someone if not actually harmed him or her.  Hurt and harm are synonyms but for the purposes of this article I am defining them as follows: 

Hurt:  causing negative emotions, pain and depression;

Harm:  stemming from hurt one has actually lost income, reputation, peace of mind and a myriad of other hard earned and necessary things. 

We all experience hurt and pain as it is part of the human condition, but must it lead to harm?  Where has the collective character gone?  When did harm and humiliation become something that is done – just done?  We all know about road rage being acted out from the safety of our cars.  Let’s consider the rage sent from the safety of our computers.

Have posting, tweeting and email become a comfortable and safe way to rage and rant?  Help me coin a phrase, computer rage, post rage, tweet rage, email rage – you choose.  Maybe use the word rant.  Same thing, the ENTER button is being pressed without thought of consequence or a cooling down period.

In our perception we have been done wrong.  Let’s ease our discomfort and tell the world – immediately.  Well, that was satisfying!  Writing a quick biting review of a local business without speaking to them privately first to give them the opportunity to explain or to correct the situation.  Or, if you are feeling very impulsive a firm complaint to the owner of a business regarding an employee that just might get them fired, demoted or put the kibosh on a future raise.  Mission accomplished, you feel better and it was quick and easy!  Someone was defenseless and harm is the game du jour.  Let’s not leave out the ripe field of humiliation and forgotten context that social networking sites can provide for your instant gratification!

Make no mistake, the ENTER button is not always your friend.  No BFF here.  Have the parameters and rules of good character changed so much that the modern way to deal with a situation is to not face it directly thereby never having to take any of the responsibility?  Or maybe the “safe” distance a computer provides is another way to just not grow up.  Just rage, rant and press ENTER.  Comfort zone maintained.

Is our current ENTER button society to some degree handing control of our lives to the emotions, impulses and moody whims of others?  Never given the chance to clarify, apologize if warranted or defend, we are to some extent being controlled.  Not the kind of control that only we can give to someone by reaction but tangible unearned control by threat of loss.

This is frightening and saddens me.  I do not have any quick fixes for a broken value system, poor coping mechanisms, a small dose of narcissism and the slightly sadistic desire in attempting and sometimes managing to put someone beneath you.  All of this quite possibly because you never learned that others are not targets.

What would happen if we as a society slowed down a bit and brought consideration and connection back into our lives?  How?  Take the proverbial 10 breaths, wait a day or two (California has even legislated cancelation rights commonly called buyers remorse for impulse purchases), get the nerve/character up to talk to the offending person/business directly and privately and maybe consider your part in the complaint.  I do not advocate being a doormat if your complaint is just but suggest rising to the situation, using your strength of character, going to your higher self and considering the big picture that may uncomfortably include others and result in personal growth.  We are all a work in progress and this is part of the adventure of life.  Let’s at least let others come on this adventure with us and not have our experiences take place behind backs, or build ourselves up falsely by taking others down. 

I am not anywhere near a perfect person but simply an observer and a contributor to life with all mistakes and trials included.  So, I am speaking to myself as well as to others when suggesting that we consider Mahatma Gandhi’s statement “be the change you wish to see”.

Thanks to Mom and Dad for the lesson.